


I Came Into This World with Both Eyes Open

by snowdarkred



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon, Angst, Burns, Folklore, Hurt!Merlin, Hurt/Comfort, Legends, M/M, Trees
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-29
Updated: 2011-12-29
Packaged: 2017-10-28 10:09:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,503
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/306765
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/snowdarkred/pseuds/snowdarkred
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Merlin's secret is discovered in a typical, dramatic Camelot fashion. And then Uther tries to kill him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Came Into This World with Both Eyes Open

**Author's Note:**

> I stretched the Arthurian mythos to its limit in this. But, my birth name is Avalon, so I think I get a free pass.

Merlin closes his eyes.

 

\---

 

_Light flashed and filled the room. People screamed as objects floated through the air, circling the center of the great hall in a slow, ever-quickening orbit. A tingling jolt spread through Merlin's body._

 

_Strong magic was near. Danger had once again found Camelot._

 

\---

 

He sleeps, most of the time. When he is awake—when he is conscious—there is nothing but  _painpainpain_  and regret and guilt. When he sleeps, world fades away, and he is able to dream and dream and dream.

 

Sometimes his dreams are good:

 

Gwen and Morgana and Arthur and laughter and light and cheer and a happiness so fierce it almost consumed him.

 

Sometimes his dreams are bad:

 

Gwen and Morgana and Arthur and screaming and pain and hunger and the feeling of flames licking at his skin.

 

And sometimes he dreams of nothing at all.

 

\---

 

_He stood strong. Despite everything, despite the betrayed looks and curses and shouts, he stayed strong when the end came. His secret was laid bare for everyone to see, but he did not shrink from that. He knew that his day would come, and he would rather it be revealed while he was saving the day than at any other time._

 

_Light shot for him, zooming in as fast as an arrow. He threw it aside with a flick of his hand, his eyes flashing brilliant gold as his power flooded into his veins._

 

_He did not pause to see the horrified expressions on their faces, though he knew that they were there._

 

\---

 

He can feel life around him. It moves slowly, grows softly, but it is strong and sturdy. Merlin is not used to slowness; Arthur is always  _goinggoinggoing_. Moving. He thought Arthur was life, but this is life too, this slowly expanding web.

 

He does not know what it is at first. When he knows—when he finally figures it out—he screams and screams, but no one can hear him. No one is looking for him. No one will ever find him.

 

He weeps, and the growing tree around him absorbers his tears.

 

\---

 

_When it was over, there was silence._

 

_Then there was a shout. Then there was pain._

 

_Then there was nothing._

 

\---

 

As time passes, he forgets. Or, he thinks he forgets. Merlin's unsure of the passing of time, unsure of everything, really. There's nothing to ground him here, just a constantly expanding life around him and the faint knowledge of dreams.

 

Eventually, he starts to loose track of when he awake and when he is asleep. He discovers a way to extend his consciousness with the tree, merging himself with its branches. He feels the phantom blanket of winter and the soft strokes of sunlight that dance across his leaves. He sighs with the wind and weeps with the rain, and he looses track himself.

 

He fades in and out. He forgets who Merlin is.

 

\---

 

_It was Arthur who saved him. Merlin was cold and hungry and sore, waiting for certain death. He was too tired to escape, too tired to fight back. He heard a creak, a rattle, and there was Arthur, strong and steady. The prince beckoned for him to come, hissing_ Merlin  _under his breath, like that would persuade his limbs to move._

 

_Arthur wound up dragging him out himself. He smuggled Merlin to the stables, saddled a horse for him, and created a distraction so that he could escape._

 

I can't go,  _Merlin protested._ I can't leave you.

 

Go. Leave, now,  _Arthur ordered._ Get out of here!  _he shouted when Merlin still hesitated._

 

_Merlin went._

 

\---

 

Merlin feels it. There is a thump against the tree. He wonders idly if the tree is being cut down. He doesn't think about what that means for him if this it is.

 

There is another thump, and another one. He can feel the vibrations through his skin.

 

_Thump-thump. Thump-thump. Thump-thump._

 

Something about it is vaguely familiar. He realizes that it is a heartbeat.

 

\---

 

_They caught him, of course. He knew they would, even if he did manage to get out of Camelot. It didn't matter that he had saved everyone's lives, over and over, he was still a sorcerer. Still an abomination. He could have told Arthur this, that they would not let him go, but he didn't want to see that glimmer of hope fade from Arthur's eyes._

 

_Merlin was dragged from his horse and taken back to Camelot. This time Uther took no chances. Merlin was beaten and bound in chains before the great throne. He did not fight back._

 

Who released you?  _the king demanded. Merlin did not speak. He could see Arthur out of the corner of his eye, looking frozen between anger and horror._

 

No one,  _Merlin lied._ I released myself. Haven't you heard? I'm a sorcerer.

 

_Merlin expected the blow. Arthur's face turned ashen in color._

 

\---

 

The heartbeat continues for along time. It is not his; he does not know where it comes from, only that it is outside his living prison. His cage. He wants to reach out and touch whoever, whatever, is there, but he cannot move. He is trapped. He is frozen.

 

He drifts off to sleep.

 

 _Merlin,_  the heart whispers. He does not hear it.

 

\---

 

_The chains dug into his arms. The pain was the least of his worries though. He watched as the soldiers piled wood around him, their faces still and drawn. No one liked a burning. He spotted Morgana's tear streaked face in a window above him. A dark bruise spread over half of her face, and Merlin knew that she had protested his punishment. His execution._

 

_Arthur was no where to be seen, but Merlin could not begrudge him that. No one should have to watch their friend burn._

 

_Even if that friend betrayed him with his silence._

 

Light the fire,  _Uther commanded. Merlin closed his eyes and opened them again. He would face death. He would not cower before Uther and his obsession. He would leave this world with his eyes wide open._

 

_He would die_ seeing.   
__

 

\---

 

The heartbeat goes away. Merlin misses it.

 

\---

 

_The fire hurt. It consumed him. He stared at Uther through the flames. He did not look for Gwen in the crowd, he did not look for Gaius. He did not want to see their faces. He looked at Uther, so that he might see what he has done._

 

_The fire burned for a long time._

 

\---

 

 _Merlin,_ the heart says when it returns. Merlin does not understand it.  _Merlin._   _Merlinmerlinmerlin._  The thumping continues, persistent and growing more intense with each passing moment.  _Merlin. Merlin. Merlin._

 

\---

 

_The fire burned._

 

_\---_

 

 _Please, Merlin,_  the heart says.  _Please, come back to me._

 

 _Who are you?_  Merlin wants to ask.  _What is Merlin?_  But he knows that no one can hear him, that he is now almost completely one with the tree that grows and grows around him.

 

A new thought comes to him as the heart continues to murmur.  _What am I?_

 

 _Please,_  it begs. _You have to._ The heartbeat starts to fade.

 

\---

 

_The fire burned._

 

_\---_

 

_Please. Please. Please._

 

It is a mantra. Merlin wishes he could answer it. He tries to shout, but his words die in his throat, caught by sap and blood. The word grows softer with time, softer in time with Merlin's expanding prison.

 

_Please. Please. Please._

 

_Merlin._

 

_\---_

 

_The fire died suddenly. The crowd gasped in terror and drew back, away from the smoldering ashes. The smoke cleared. Uther was frozen, his eyes wide with shock, when the chains bound to the post were revealed to be empty._

 

_The fire was gone, and Merlin with it._

 

_\---_

 

_Me,_ Merlin thinks.  _I am... I am Merlin?_

 

_Who is talking to me?_

 

_Arthur,_ he thinks, he knows.  _It is Arthur._

 

_It is time to come home now, Merlin, please,_ Arthur begs.  _It's time to come back._

 

_Yes,_ Merlin thinks.  _It is time to go home._

 

_\---_

 

_He was full of_ painpainpain _. Merlin knew that he could not survive what had happened, what had been done to him. He laid down in the clearing, surrounded by a stand of aging hawthorn trees. He closed his eyes and let time pass._

 

_The pain faded away. A wall of life cut it off._

 

_\---_

 

There is a sharp crack, loud enough to deafen him. Light floods his vision, and he falls unto soft moss and green grass. There is sound around him, sound and light and no pain. He opens his eyes, squinting in the sunlight that he had only felt before. He is Merlin.

 

He is Merlin, and Arthur is the first thing he sees. Arthur.

 

 _Arthur,_  he croaks.  _Your name is Arthur._

 

There are tears in Arthur's eyes.  _Yes,_  he says.  _My name is Arthur. Your name is Merlin._

 

 _You're free,_  Arthur whispers.  _You're you._ Merlin looks behind him and sees a great hawthorn tree, split in half.

 

 _Yes,_  Merlin says.  _I am me. I am free._

 

 _Let's go home,_ Arthur says with a smile. Merlin smiles back.

 

He is free.


End file.
